And just like that, the world has changed. It feels as though a switch was flipped and the darkness barreled in. Just like that, we're living in social isolation. Just like that, we're afraid to leave our homes in fear of microscopic organisms that can kill us...or live inside us without disruption. And I am afraid. I'm frightened for my parents who are in the "over 60 years old" high-risk category. I'm terrified when I hear about the death toll in Italy, ever climbing...this virus has taken almost 800 people there in 24, and Italy has not yet peaked.
And the nightmare is just beginning here.
And just like that, taking public transportation is considered both heroic and indescribably foolish. Going to work is the same as risking my life. Walking down the street, an exercise that used to clear my mind and refresh my spirit, is now highly perilous. My former supervisor used to say that I have "resting smile face," but now, I hide my face. I dart to the other side of the street if another walker is heading in my direction. I can't get close to anyone now. I can't even see my parents, for fear to contamination.
And yet, the important people have remained present in this new reality, even though I can't have any human interaction other that what I am forced to risk at my job. I've become highly adept at "virtual" dinner parties and wine nights through FaceTime. Social media (toxic as it can be) has become a lifeline for me. Perhaps one of the most significant truths that this new reality has revealed is that I was completely hung up on things, on people, who just don't matter. It's the realization that I've spent so much time caring about the wrong people, people who haven't remained present and have self-selected out. It's become abundantly clear that I've wasted so much time and energy on the wrong people, and as a result, my circle has thinned to reveal quantity over quality. The outliers have gone, and now it's me, middle-aged and scared as hell, facing this new world. A world which, I'm hoping, will heal...but I know that this is only going to get much worse before it gets better.
So for now, I'm enjoying social distancing as I binge watch my crazy alien shows and have my super single solo kitchen dance parties. The newest addition to my tiny family, Rhiannon ("Rhini"), seems to be enjoying her new home and her crazy new mom. I'm lucky to have her to help me navigate this uncertain, and terrifying, and (brave?) new world. This is nothing like Aldous Huxley had imagined.
We'll just take it day by day, I guess.
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