Quick flashback: 2016. I'm sitting in the Oxford Centre Starbucks, nursing an Americano as though it were a whiskey ginger ale (and ardently wishing it were so). I'm staring dejectedly out the window, watching the passersby wistfully and wondering if they had a cloud of stress that was a oppressive as mine seemed to be. I'm working in the Frick Building and I REALLY don't want to return to my office. I hate the work I'm doing; it's dreadfully unfulfilling and exasperatingly stressful. I'm also reeling from recent personal troubles that have necessitated a relocation to the city. I'm preparing for a new life and I am terrified The only stability that life afforded me at that time was granted in the form of Chewy and Magic, and my job at the law firm...a position that I absolutely loathed. The stress sat like a cancer in the pit of my stomach and I carried with me, even after I left the office for the day. I constantly worried about meeting deadlines and making mistakes in my haste to finish the endless cycle of soul sucking projects that I hated. So I sat in the Starbucks and wondered what life had in store for me, and I desperately hoped that I wouldn't have to remain at a job that was so, so terrible. But I saw no way out.
Fast forward to 2018. I'm now sitting at the same table in this same Starbucks, feeling 100% happier and optimistic. I have overcome many of the personal challenges that had been laid down before me. I've experience numerous setbacks, primarily regarding my multiple sclerosis, but I've managed to endure a new treatment that has, quite honestly, made me feel better physically and emotionally than I have in years...maybe ever. I was, thankfully and mercifully, fired from the law firm. It was truly the best thing that could have happened to me. My ego and pride aside, being fired was fantastic, as I accepted a part time job as a counselor at an abortion clinic (the very same place in which I'd had my own abortion years ago). I'm not sure that I would have been brave enough to accept a part time position, had I still been employed at the firm. I just don't believe that I would have allowed myself to take a part time job that would have required me to supplement my income, yet again, with Bux. But since I'd lost my full time job (and Unemployment wasn't going to last forever, right??), I had nothing to lose. And I gained EVERYTHING.
My job at the clinic has become my life's work; it's the dream job that I'd always wanted, but never realized it. I cannot imagine doing anything else. It's dangerous work...I have to endure protesters that have the propensity to become violent. We are visited routinely by the FBI. We have drills for bombings and mass shootings, events that have occurred in other clinics, including ours in the past. BUT I feel proud of my work every single day. I'm on the front lines, working for and with strong, courageous women to fight for reproductive justice, especially for the disadvantaged. I've always wanted to become the woman that I am today. There are still so many other things I want to accomplish, but this sense of purpose means everything. I no longer tolerate people who bring negative energy to my life. Everyone in my circle brings something positive and meaningful to my existence...or they aren't in my circle. I've also realized that I was working far too hard on some of my relationships, allowing myself to be treated as merely an option, when I should have been a priority, because I deserve to be one. I've recognized the people who don't follow through with promises and regard them wearily. I have NO difficulty with ridding my life of those who aren't deserving, which is something that had been particularly problematic for me in the past. I don't tolerate disappointment.
I guess I'm not quite where I'd like to be, as I still have great many personal goals to achieve...but thank GOD I'm not where I was. I have plans. :)
From GSD, to You're Doing Great, to Little Girl Blue. Wow. I'm glad to see you're doing more than counting your fingers. Have I told you that I'm proud of you recently? Recently enough? I'm proud of you JP.
Posted by: Account Deleted | 02/09/2018 at 06:00 PM
My favorite version of that song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wT_Z-D31vbU Here's hoping you find your little boy blue, too.
Posted by: Account Deleted | 02/09/2018 at 06:06 PM